'Tuesday, early

Monday is officially over as of 14 minutes ago.  Tuesday has now begun.  I figured that if I couldn't sleep I might as well sit in front of the computer, maybe I can bore myself to the point of passing out.

Every once in a while you have to take a deep breath and just reflect on the past and wonder about the future.  Some times the past is easiest to re-visit.  You can embellish your own memories, or make certain ones disappear all together.  Hopefully, you don't make important ones disappear. 

I sometimes wonder how much of what I remember about my childhood is actually memories or just thoughts of what I hope it was like.  I know that we didn't have a lot of money.  No biggy, back then those that had pretended like they didn't and those that didn't have pretended like they did.

I do remember most of 3rd grade, why I don't know.  It was the year that I got glasses.  Beautiful fashion statements from the 60's.  Cat eye shape with rhinestones across the top.  I though I was something pretty speacial, until it was time to go to school with them one.  I did not want to go into that classroom for anything.  If I remember correctly, I stood out in the hall in terror.  I couldn't imagine what everyone was going to say.  I don't know if I was the first one in the class to get glasses or not, didn't seem to matter, still didn't want to go in.  It was also the year that while trying to do a back flip, I landed on the small of my back.  Have had problems with it ever since.  Don't try doing it outside on the hard ground.

We were living in Cedar Rapids, Iowa at that time.  Boy, oh boy, when the wind blew just right you could smell the dog food factory from every direction.  The streets were really cool, some of them were actual cobblestone streets.  The window displays for Christmas were just works of art in the blurry 3rd grade eyes and the movie theaters were all done in red velvet drapery.  I'm pretty sure that all of that has changed in the past 40 or so years.  Don't want to go back and visit, don't want to lose those memories.

Now as all that time has passed, my eyes are still blurry, by back still hurts and I still remember what carefree days of childhood were like.  The worst memory ever from then is this one, Down the street from where we lived a house caught on fire and a baby was killed in that fire.  Have been terrified of dying that way ever since.

I guess we all have our phobias about one thing or another.  Terrible when they compound into so many others.  Like small spaces, elevators falling, being drowned or choked to death.  I am a complete mess, it's amazing that I ever leave my house.  Don't seem to have a problem with dying a horrible death in a car though, guess that's good.

Well, now that I have unloaded my memories, thoughts and fears on you all I can go and play some silly game on this machine, hoping that it will put me to sleep.  Shakespeare said it best "To sleep, perchance to dream".

Pleasant dreams all.