Friday, February 25, 2011

Oh Well

A well:  a hole in the ground that contains water.

Just in case you were wondering about the definition.

Well, (not the water kind) it is finally Friday.  Some weeks I have my doubts that it will ever arrive, then boom, there it is.  I'm not sure why I look forward to it.  It could be any number of reasons.  The most important being, I am away from work for 2 days, away from annoying customers, idiot co-workers and bosses who just don't seem to care all that much.

Instead I get a lot a peace and quiet.  Almost too much, not that I look forward to Monday rolling around, but once in a while it would be nice to have someone to talk to besides the cats.  I always seem to have these big ambitions for the weekend, what I am going to get done, how much of it I get done is another story.  This weekend I really want to get the front room taped off and ready for paint.  Seems like the older I get, the longer it takes to get things done.  Don't worry, someday it will happen to you also!

Today yet, I have to get laundry and dishes done.  Never ending tasks,  you get everything clean, you turn around and there it is waiting to be done again.  Talk about a rut.  I guess as long as the rut doesn't get too deep, I am doing good.  Would be so much easier to do this stuff if only I could have the windows and doors open, fresh clean air coming in and the songs of birds for the background music.  Don't laugh, I happen to like birds and squirrels.

My daughter thinks I am nuts for liking them, but honestly, how can you not?  They mean the beginning of a new season or a new day that is full of promise for all the things that you need, want, or hope for.  Plus, it really drives the cats nuts to hear and see them outside.  Fun to watch how they handle it.  Such simple lives they have.

I ran out of things to say.

Not looking forward to filling up the vehicles with gas.  When I first started driving, you know, like a million years ago, gas was a whole whopping 50 cents a gallon.  I knew that it would go up, but this is getting a little on the ridiculous side.  Whatcha goin' to do?  Gotta have gas to get to work.

Thought for the day:  If you hope for something hard enough and it doesn't happen, does that mean that you should give up hope or just change your expectations?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

So unable to spell correctly

All my life I have been blessed with the ability to spell words correctly.  Until now.  For some unknown reason, every word that I can hear myself thinking, I can't begin to figure out how to spell them.  Until I no longer need to.  Drives me crazy.

It's kind of like when you see some one in a movie, you know their name, it's on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't wrap your brain around it.  Then WHAM 3 days later, you just blurt it out in the middle of a conversation that has no connection to it.  For some reason the person you are talking to gives you that look.  Yeah, you know it, the one that says,"Are you nuts?".  No.  Just 3 days late in my thinking.

The last two weeks I have felt like crap.  I was lucky enough to get the wonderful cold that is going around.  Or the creeping crud, as I like to call it.  Tried everything to help with the cough, the plugged, yet drippy nose, body aches, you know what I am talking about.  Finally bought Coricidin.  Try it, it works wonders.  You actually feel human again. Each little pill lasts for about 6 hours.  You still cough a little, but you don't feel like a lung is going to pop out each time.

Got all my bills paid, the ones that were due from now until the 10th of next month.  I don't need to buy anything except milk, bread and gas.  Well, there goes that extra money, The gas prices alone are enough to break a person.  I don't know how some people are going to be able to get to work.  Between paying for day care and fuel it's going to be hard.  I know that it will cut back on my chasing.  Not that I do so much of it, but it is still going to cut into it pretty good.  Kind of a round robin thing.  Go to work, to pay for gas to go to work, and on and on and on.  Like being on a round-a-bout and not being able to figure out how to get off.

I just realized that while most people use their blogs for important life matters, I just use mine because I no longer have anyone to talk to at home.  So if it seems that I am rambling, which I probably am, either please forgive and allow me to ramble, or bugger off.  No one is making you read this.  I pity you if someone is forcing you to read the whole thing.

Thought for the day:  When life hands you lemons, make a pie, then sit down, eat the whole darn thing and laugh at everyone else who made lemonade.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Time to think

Sometimes having too much time on your hands, causes your brain to go into overtime.

You overthink everything.  You doubt your own ability to do things.  You wonder if you are doing them for the right reasons or not.  You second guess every decision.  I don't know what the solution is, usually I just end up telling myself to shut the h*** up and get on with it.

One of the hardest things I have to overcome is the dread I feel about going places by myself.  I don't like shopping alone and I don't like shopping for me.  For so many years when I would go shopping, I always looked for things for my family.  My family is now grown and I have no idea of what they want or need, which is the way it should be. 

It should also be easier to shop for me.  After all, I am the only one here.  I have discovered that I don't need or really even want a lot of stuff.  I have enjoyed getting rid of or just plain throwing things away.  I recently got rid of 6 black garbage bags of clothes, now I have so much room in the closet and so many empty hangers, what a great feeling.

The clothes that I got rid of were all way to big.  I don't know how many of you know it, but I have lost close to 100 pounds.  It is very hard to get the mind set out of the larger sizes.  I look at the pants I am now wearing and each and every day, think to myself, there is no way they are going to fit.  They do.  I still feel large and clumsy and very unattractive.  I have to work on that.  I don't wear makeup, it is just way to much work.  I used to, a long, long time ago.  You know when I had real jobs.  Dressed up, heels, the whole works.  Now I wear jeans and tennis shoes, make up just doesn't seem a high priority.

I want to get all the prep work done in the front room this week.  I would like to start painting, but that may have to wait until the weather is more stable.  I know that I will have lots of help.  They have the best paint out now.  Kilz paint that can be tinted or colored.  It is a primer and paint all in one.  Covers all kinds of stuff.  So any stains, or imperfections, say good bye.  I have to get some before and after pictures.  Hope I will be able to tell the difference!

Well, for not having had much to say, I have said quite enough.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A new life

Okay, so it's been about 4 months since I last did this.  A lot has changed in my life since then.  I am just hoping to be able to handle it all.

On Dec. 11, 2010, my husband, Arlen, passed away during the worst blizzard that we have had in a long time.  I had been down to see him in the hospital and stayed all morning.  About an hour after getting home, the hospital called and said that he was gone.  Of course because of the weather and all the planning that had to be done, the memorial service wasn't for a week.  I decided to have him cremated, he was always so cold and now he won't be anymore.  I think I have handled this pretty well.  I hope so.

I have found myself getting angry with him lately.  There were so many things that he left undone and so many promises that he left unfulfilled.  The worse one was the one he made to me, that he would never leave me, he lied about that big time.  I know all about the 7 steps of grief.  I have already accepted that he is gone and that for him it is much easier.  I so far, have not had to struggle a whole lot.  Thank Goodness.

I have had wonderful support from family members, not just mine, but his also.  I don't know what I would have done without my Mother and both of my children.  They always seem to come through when I need them.  Let's not forget the grand kids.  What joy they bring into my life.  3 of the main reasons to continue to go on.  There are a lot more, but, family is a great motivator.

I know that if I feel the need to vent or get angry or cry, I can call any of them, and they will listen and comfort and assure me that it will all be okay.  I know that it will, I have no doubt about it.  I know that deep down I am a strong person and able to deal with a lot more that will no doubt come my way.

One of the other things that has changed in my home.  We had 8 cats.  Notice I said HAD.  I took 6 of them up the to tri-County Humane Society in St. Cloud.  I know that they will find themselves in good homes with people who have the time and energy to give them the attention and love they all deserve.  The two that I kept were two of the older ones, they help fill the void.  At least if someone is walking by and hears me talking, I know that I am not talking to myself.  They may not always give me the answer I want, but they know that I love them and they will agree to whatever I say (especially if treats are in the works).

I (and the kids) have been working to do some transformations in the house.  I will finally have a dining room that we can all sit down and eat together in, I will also have a calm and relaxing bedroom (I hope it turns out that way).  Now just have to wait for the warmer weather to paint, want to have the windows open when I do.

Planning on having a pretty good size garage sale come May.  Lots of tools and kitchen gadgets.  Arlen was a great believer that you could never have too many of the same thing.  So watch for updates with dates and times.

Guess I had quite a bit to talk about this time.  Will try to keep up with it better this go round.