Time to think

Sometimes having too much time on your hands, causes your brain to go into overtime.

You overthink everything.  You doubt your own ability to do things.  You wonder if you are doing them for the right reasons or not.  You second guess every decision.  I don't know what the solution is, usually I just end up telling myself to shut the h*** up and get on with it.

One of the hardest things I have to overcome is the dread I feel about going places by myself.  I don't like shopping alone and I don't like shopping for me.  For so many years when I would go shopping, I always looked for things for my family.  My family is now grown and I have no idea of what they want or need, which is the way it should be. 

It should also be easier to shop for me.  After all, I am the only one here.  I have discovered that I don't need or really even want a lot of stuff.  I have enjoyed getting rid of or just plain throwing things away.  I recently got rid of 6 black garbage bags of clothes, now I have so much room in the closet and so many empty hangers, what a great feeling.

The clothes that I got rid of were all way to big.  I don't know how many of you know it, but I have lost close to 100 pounds.  It is very hard to get the mind set out of the larger sizes.  I look at the pants I am now wearing and each and every day, think to myself, there is no way they are going to fit.  They do.  I still feel large and clumsy and very unattractive.  I have to work on that.  I don't wear makeup, it is just way to much work.  I used to, a long, long time ago.  You know when I had real jobs.  Dressed up, heels, the whole works.  Now I wear jeans and tennis shoes, make up just doesn't seem a high priority.

I want to get all the prep work done in the front room this week.  I would like to start painting, but that may have to wait until the weather is more stable.  I know that I will have lots of help.  They have the best paint out now.  Kilz paint that can be tinted or colored.  It is a primer and paint all in one.  Covers all kinds of stuff.  So any stains, or imperfections, say good bye.  I have to get some before and after pictures.  Hope I will be able to tell the difference!

Well, for not having had much to say, I have said quite enough.