I've been thinking alot about forgiveness. Have you ever had the occasion to be in the position where you either forgive or go crazy thinking about it all the time?
After my first husband and I split up I was in that position. We had made a pact that no matter what happened or how we felt about each other, we would never bring any of it to the front in front of our son. It worked really well. We all have to put our kids first, no matter how you feel about the other person.
During our brief marriage, 4 years, there were many times that he cheated on me. It is true what they say, the wife is always the last to know. You may feel it, but you don't want to admit it.
After we moved back to Minnesota, he went school. We were both working and didn't have the same hours. I worked during the day while he went to school, and then he had a part-time job at an off sale liqour store. While he was working there, he met someone. Surprise.
Less than a year later, we had split up. His girlfriend moved in with him before I even found a new place to live. I was staying with my folks, couldn't afford to stay in the cities on my own, and knew that I didn't want a room mate.
Lot of bad feelings going on at that time. How could I get him back? What could I do to make him as miserable as I was? When would he come to his senses? Never did manage to fulfill any of that.
After I got together with Arlen, life just seemed to be so much easier. He didn't judge, didn't assume and didn't try to change any of the things that I was feeling. This is where the foriveness comes into it. I realized one day, that I had everything that I could possibly want in my life. Time to let it go. Of course it made it easier when the first one called and asked me reduce his child support because his girlfriend was pregnant. Didn't happen. Not my problmen that he couldn't control his sperm. I figured what could I do that would make a difference anyway. Nothing, absolutely nothing. So my child support stayed where it was at that time, and he had to learn how to make a dollar stretch a lot further.
Once I let go of the bitterness,resentment and the feeling sorry for me, I just kind of put his problems and life out of my mind.
We have since become a lot better friends, and can be in the same room with each other and our respective spouses. We can carry on a conversation about anything, and we can both take great pride in how our son turned out. Collin became everything that a parent could possible ask for in a son from a broken home. Not only do we both love him, but out spouses also love him. What could be better? Not only for Collin, but for us as well.
He is going through some major medical problems right now. He was recently diagnosed with MS. I only hope for the very best for him. My first husband I mean, not our son. Arlen also has medical problems, so I guess it wouldn't have mattered which one I ended up with, I would still have big issues to deal with, and I have learned to deal with it, Hopefully.
When do you find that it is time to let it go and forgive? Although you will never forget, it doesn't have to become the one thing in your life that you can't get over.
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