1 Year

So it has been 1 year since Arlen passed away.  I still miss him just as much now, if not more, than when it first occured.

Terrible day last year.  If you remember, we had that horrible blizzard, roads were impassable.  Trust me, I know first hand.

Not a lot has changed.  I switched jobs and am looking now for one closer to home.  Driving 20 miles one way in the dark just isn't for me.  Our little Claire turned one on the 2nd of December, Lily is now 3 and so smart it is hard to believe.  Amber received her MBA and is now working for Regis, Collin is taking classes for his BA, Adam and Miranda are incredible parents to the girls and doing really well.  I am so very proud of them all, oh, don't forget Brandon.  He is getting to be such a young man.  I would say little, but he is almost as tall as I am, and he still has room in his heart to give Grandma hugs, and tell her things he won't tell any one else.  He also has a very pretty girlfriend, he does have good taste.

My house is all ready for Christmas.  I just don't know for sure when we will be having it.

Christmas for me has always been a bit on the difficult side.  I seem to get slightly depressed during this time of year.  Doesn't matter what is going on or with whom.  I just can't shake it.  Maybe it is becuase another year has come and gone and nothing has really changed in  my life.  It seems like the only time I get to see the kids is if there is a birthday or something going on.  I get to see the grand daughters once a month when they come to stay with me for their weekend, I so look forward to that weekend.  It means 2 days a month I don't sit here by myself.  I get to here them talk and laugh and play and just be kids.  Wonderful sounds.

I wish Arlen could be here to experience it all with me.  Like I said, I miss him every day.  Every one says it gets better and easier with time, but I am starting to have my doubts.  After a year, I still talk about us and we and out.  Crazy.  I will here a song on the radio and automatically thing "oh, this was one of his favorites" or see a new program on tv and think that I will have to remember to tell him about it.  I worry about everything and anything.  I can't seem to make decisions that need to be made and I have found myself putting things off until the last minute.  I hope that it does get easier and that I realize it when it happens.

Merry Christmas Honey, I love you.